A new glory is awash upon us! James just purchased a 2 terabyte hard drive and we're a little bit overcome with the joy and boundless possibilities it presents us right now. The main reason being that so many more movies can be downloaded and stored for us to watch! In celebration, James was going through some movies he wanted to grab when he came across this exploitation gem Nude Nuns with Big Guns. When you come across a title like that, you really can't just ignore it.
Director Joseph Guzman's nunspoliation centers around Sister Sarah's embark into becoming a nun which turns sour when she's forced into the seedy underbelly of a Mexican drug ring. Naked nuns are forced to process and package drugs for the church which are then sold to outlaw biker gang, Los Muertos. When some drugs get stolen, the leader of the gang, Chavo, kills some of the nuns and uses Sister Sarah to cover the loss, forcing her into drug use and submission at his strip joint/brothel. After an overdose and beating from a not so gentle client, Sister Sarah receives a message from God telling her that he has a plan for her, which is to seek vengeance upon all those who have wronged her. She then sets off with an arsenal of badass guns to do God's work and kick some ass. After some priest slaying, the church hires Los Muertos to track down and kill her, and they realize that they're in for a little more than they bargained for because this SISTER IS ONE BAD MOTHER!
Oh yeah, did I mention the lesbian subplot? You see, she was punished for her carnal, lesbian lust by the church, keeping her torn between her devotion to the lord and her love for Sister Angelina. Although Sister Sarah's tough girl performance often felt a little contrived to me, I quickly forgave her when I saw her in action, shooting up the corrupt members of the clergy and gang. The men of this movie do a very convincing job of being completely depraved, misogynistic and just downright horrible pigs who think of women as nothing but bitches or "putas". That makes their demise in this film all the more satisfying, in true grindhouse fashion. Though there are plenty of strippers doing their thing for our viewing pleasure, I enjoyed the fact that the nuns, though naked as they were, didn't look anything like the strippers. Some were in fact not very attractive at all, Sister Angelina in particular, which made the movie feel less cheap to me. An exploitation film obviously needs some hot naked girls and we all enjoy that, but it's good to see some less gratuitous rolls, especially with main characters. It just makes it more realistic and gritty. That, paired with the stunning filters of the movie, made it look pretty authentic and much like an old Mexican telenovela, only with lots of blood!
Overall, I thought that this was a pretty good Grindhouse feature, what with all the stunts, nudity and satisfying blood splatter. Obviously this isn't a movie of much standard and most people would look at it as being a piece of shit but hey, it's a Grindhouse flick, it's supposed to be like that. Oh yeah, and it is called Nude Nuns with Big Guns so if you're expecting something more, then perhaps you're not reading properly.
Oh yeah, Happy New Years, blah blah blah. My New Years Eve consisted of eating turkey pot pie (thanks to a butt load of Christmas leftovers), drinking beer, and destroying everyone in Monopoloy whilst watching two wonderful movies: A Clockwork Orange and Bronson. Quiet and relaxing. Oh and the best part is, I didn't waste any of my money and no hangover. Muahaha.
